Meredith (Voiceover) : But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it's not so important that it's happily ever after - just that it's happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away.


this is how i feel right now, someone took my breath away.

and today? sean took my breath away. he said he actually did something for my birthday and i was quite shocked, but touched. yes. the 7 yr history's kinda old. but it cant get any worse.
i remember the little thank-you notebook-keychain he wrote for me in sec 3, it made me smile, because he appreciated, and remembered. that was all that mattered between us. it never changed, never wavered. and NO. he is not my boyfriend. HAHA. he's single AND available la!

but him, entirely different matter.

Meredith : Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

got home a while back from a really interesting day.

went for training, which was blah, and went for dinner with alex eric and xuan at NUDE.HAHA.
it's in wisma, they have a gorgeous interior and chandeliers, and they serve very good fusion cuisine! had an indoor aquarium and everythin!
and the toilet, is transparent from the inside. so when ure inside, you can see everyone outside!
haha, it was scary, but cool.

we then headed to wheelock's n.y.d.c for MUDPIES!
damn shiok la, and we stayed there for nearly 2 hours, just eating and chatting and laughing.
i've never laughed so much in a very long time! haha.
played alot of weird games which kept us guessing for super long.

so we sent xuan home and then we headed to mos lor. swanky shit of a place, really.
i was awed by the size of the whole thing! it was HUGE la.
thank gdness i had this kinda day to keep me occupied.

i bumped into reuben in e afternn, and i found out some stuff. which left me in tears for 5 secs. then i realised, ah, fuck it. just forget it.
and i bumped into the same couple again today. sigh.

now, i'm down with a stupid flu and an irritating really get-on-my-nerves kinda cough.

temp has gone down thank gdness, i woke up at 3+am suddenly and tossed and turned.
couldnt sleep a wink. and i woke up again at 9+ with a heavy head.

i had a dream last night. dreamt about him and his gf(in my dream larh haha so im not too sure whether its true). it was quite fascinating really cos i never had these kinda dreams before. dreamt that i saw his laptop and their photos were on slideshow mode on his wallpaper. weird huh. and i rmb mrs lim telling us that dreams NEVER have colours. mine always had! he wore a blue shirt, and she was wearin some red blouse. my dreams always had colours. cant imagine everything in black and white. terrifying.

i have an 8am class tml and i'm afraid that i wont be able to sleep again tonight.

caught a bit of grey's on dvd, and i was swooning over perfect mcdreamy. his perfectly messy hair. his always-leaning-on-something posture, the stubble on his chin, his sexy voice, the way he gazes at meredith, all so SWOON-WORTHY LA! -takes my drool bucket-

and i can't wait for 19th Sept. CLAY'S sophomore album is gonna be released then!
hopefully its confirmed, cos record labels are prone to last minute date-changes.
and yes, 1000 days was leaked out, and it sounds GREAT LA!
and i'm hooked to the video of his Tears Run Dry performance during his Jukebox Tour in Atlantic City. his voicee.................HEH. and the part where he goes 'oooh yeah'
I CAN DIE JUST LISTENING TO IT. shall spare u all e details really.
bet i have repeated it thousands of times already. but yes. 19th SEPT!

oh, and on an extremely sad note, my FREAKIN EXAMS ARE COMING SOON. like in 2 or 3 weeks. save me.

a few good days. that was all i needed.

sorry jiahui couldn't go to the chalet! missed out on alot of fun..
hung out wif jess angie chin han wanyee after training, had dinner, then went to PS to get some drinking game thing. quite fascinating. that shop sold so much quirky stuff! that musical note reader thing, out of this world la. i'm still raving abt it!

so, the next day, i headed to ngee ann for squash wif onn shaun sam wong homan gerald jj tong simon altho tong didn plae due to a leg injury. and yes, the bitching abt army continued.
quite fun la, cos they gave me loads of chances too! had a lot of fun talking and catching up with all of them, and i realised that we're growing up so quickly. most of us are 20 already, and i just wished time stood still, so that i could cherish whatever i have left of my youth. everyone's gonna get out of army and go uni, and then we're gonna start working, have our own families, that doesn seem so far ahead now doesn't it.

oh, and after dinner, we took a very cramped up drive around NUS in gerald's silver baby. which was damn funny as usual. just laughed our asses off in e car la. drive and drive and drive. NUS is damn big la, we could get lost in it. we drove tru places where the barricades were not down, and we were like "oh no let's go back out now" lol. and the road with many turns. i can't imagine driving up that slope really.
and we got to catch a really nice view on top of kent ridge park, or something like that.
i forgot how that felt like, i've forgotten about the many simplicities of life, i've forgotten the feeling i get when i'm at e top lookin down, taking in the sights and sounds. feel the wind against you, and listen to the soft rustling of leaves. very comforting.

and then they decided to take a look at their alma mater. their school's beautiful, and rich to say the least. gerald drove into acs(i) despite it being a sunday and it was already 8+pm at night, and despite a slack security guard. it looked very very beautiful at night.

so monday came and went, without me fretting too much about monday blues.

and its tues already, and i'm down with a fever. screw it.

I'm cynical now, and I believe you should fight for what you want.. I fought for you, but now, I'm done fighting. That's it. I love you, that's just all there is to it.


It's time I fought for myself.


I close my eyes and I breathe you in
It's always and never the same
How do we end up strangers again
When I'm still dreaming your name

And I'm calling out
Are you hearing me?
I don't know where I belong
Now it's so unclear
Why do I wish you're here
When I'm already gone

I'm broken, wide open
You've shattered all we had
And I'm through with hoping
Somehow I'm gonna put the pieces back
I've cried me an ocean
Now there's nothing left inside
I'm here not knowing
Where do you go when the tears run dry?

i can still remember what you wore on that very day.
i can still remember what we said, and what we did.
i dont know whether its a good or bad thing, that i still remember.
bcos frankly, i just don't know.

my parents hate each other.
its not just hate-hate kinda thing, it concerns the fucking law, and it concerns me.
I WANT OUT, DONT YOU UNDERSTAND? I WANT OUT. OUT OF THIS MESS, OUT OF THIS TANGLY SITUATION, OUT OF THIS DAMN SHIT. I WANT OUT.
IM EXHAUSTED, YOU'RE EXHAUSTING, AND I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS SHIT I CAN TAKE. I AM ABSOLUTELY DRAINED.
my dad is very foolish in some ways, bcos he just cant see or he chooses not to see the consequences. i've tried, but if he just screws up again, that's it. and my mum took such drastic measures. FUCK MAN im like so upset.
and my dad's pissed off that i dont wanna get involved. he said "if like that next time i dont tell u anything already. i wont ask you to help." its more complicated than what it is on the surface.
and as jme once told me, "try not to make other ppls' problems your problem."
BUT I CANT DO WHAT HE SAID. IT IS MY FREAKING PROBLEM.
even if its not my problem, im still connected to the problem. i can only see it going downhill from here.
when my parents hurt each other, they hurt me too, they just dont know it...
and they just cant let the matter rest. they're only thinking about revenge, ways to get back, threatening...
trust me, relationship problems? to me, its nothing compared to this.
there's not a minute of everyday which i dont worry about any of them getting hurt, about any of them getting scared, about any of them getting threatened.
i worry, and i cant help but keep worrying. it doesn seem to blow over anytime soon.
and trust me, its fucked up. period.

and i thought after a divorce, the two ppl are actually considered strangers. whats all this about then? theres no link between my parents anymore. they have no right, ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to do this to each other. i've tried talking sense into them, but all i got back was flak for standing on the other person's side, im not helpful enough, that i just cant be bothered.
IF I COULDNT BE FUCKING BOTHERED, I WOULDN EVEN HAVE TRIED.
and now ive tried, ITS APPARENTLY NOT ENOUGH.

pls, just stop........stop it.....


oh, to a supposedly good fren, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL ME CUCKOO JUST BECAUSE I WENT TO A COUNSELLOR. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO THINK THAT WAY OF ME. YOU ARE NOT IN MY SHOES. YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WHO HAS TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR MUM GETTING HURT. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SPEAK THAT OF ME. AND I IGNORED UR SMS "wth did u have to go to a counsellor" BECAUSE I DID WHAT I THOUGHT I SHOULD DO AT THAT POINT. I WAS HELPLESS, AND I DIDNT KNOW OF OTHER WAYS. IF MY ACTION WAS WRONG TO YOU, THEN I GUESS I WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU. VERY WRONG ABOUT YOU. I DONT NEED A FREN WHO JUDGES ME ACCORDING TO HOW HE WOULD LIVE HIS LIFE. I DONT NEED THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. SO FORGET IT. YOU DONT NEED A CUCKOO FOR A FREN TOO.

until now, i still cant believe you actually thought that way of me. that going to a counsellor was wrong, that i was cuckoo, or just nuts. i couldnt believe it til i heard it with my own ears.

'Her voice wasn't trained, but it was beautiful. It made me feel things. It showed me how a song can be more than words and music, how when sung with soul a song carries you to another world, to a place where no matter how much pain you feel, you are never alone.'

-Clay on his mama's voice.

'I know you cannot win every battle. Not every child can be saved. But this does not give you an excuse not to try. If you quit, all is lost. In the end, you can't give up on people, because you never know what marvel lies underneath. Joey taught me that.'

-Clay on Joey, after which he realised that teaching special education was his calling.


"To handle yourself, use your head." she'd say.
"To handle others, use your heart."

i'm in love with memoirs.
just any memoir. im hooked. i was reading Clay Aiken's Learning To Sing : Hearing The Music In Your Life. and i cried at some parts. it was heartwrenching, from the beginning when he was actually born with a collapsed lung, to the middle when he talked about how he never really had a relationship with his stepdad because both of them were afraid to try, and to the end when he paid off his mum's house and bought Brett a Firebird. He hated that it wasn't pewter like the one his stepdad bought for Brett, and bcos Brett had to sell it off to keep the family going, and that car was a little piece of his dad which slipped away.
very inspirational, and i found myself reading certain phrases or paragraphs over and over again. It made me think and i tried to empathise with him.
And how apt this sentence was, "Mom can go through BS (bullshit) and come out smelling like a rose." And when she allowed herself to hurt in front of Clay, it signified that she doesn't need to hide her hurt from Clay anymore, that he could take whatever anyone threw at him. In the span of 2 years, her husband died, one son left home for Hollywood, and her other son joined the Marines. Admirable how she held up through all that shit really. It warranted a good cry.
My penpal who moved to North Carolina from Florida went to Faye's church. They moved because her son is autistic, and North Carolina definitely has much better programs for children with autism. All due to the larger platform which Clay had due to AI, and he used it to the fullest. The Bubel/Aiken Foundation was actually a project for school, to complete the hours he missed when he was on AI. When the funds started pouring in from fans, he had USD50,000 and he decided to set it up since the funds were already there.

'The world needs a voice. Let it be Yours.'
-The Bubel/Aiken Foundation

There was a montage i downloaded recently, "Heaven" which showed Clay with Mike Bubel, trying to extend his capabilities slowly and how children just needed that little bit more patience. It moved us claymates to tears, and as Clay would have it, autism awareness shot up right here in Singapore. I applaud the ppl who have dedicated much of their time and effort to help at those events, and it was evidence what a voice can do. What HIS voice can do.

i'm still on my clack downloading spree, there's so much i've missed out on! the various tour cities, the countless interviews, and definitely the many many performances. Christmas carols or even just the Star Spangled Banner at a baseball game. no one has ever made me this way before, and indeed its revenge of the nerds.

'its moments like these that i miss you the most, so much so that it suffocates me, and i cant breathe, and all i can think about is your face, your love, and the day when our eyes met and it was there that i realised, that forever was in ur eyes...'



altogether now, '...SO CHEESY LA!...'

no worries, im feeling better now.
thank you to everyone who showed their concern.
and of course, thank you yingxuan and her family, for being the most accommodating souls i've ever met. im very touched. i don't know what words i can use to express my gratitude, if it can even be expressed at all. just, THANK YOU.

i stayed over from tues to thurs, and we had breakfast at the super famous ROTI PRATA HOUSE on wed morn, after which i went to sch to settle some stuff.
i love their pratas, and i hope that i wont get sick of them anytime soon. i love pratas!
after that, gerald picked me up after sch and we went to fetch lz frm sembawang. and then we headed to town to meet up with joce and marcus. settled on fish and co in the end, bcos us girls targeted the seafood platter like super earlier on already larh!
was great to talk to them on the same wavelength again, and had an extremely good time catching up. gerald sent me to yx's house after that, and i took a nice long bath and slept like a log.
yday was such an exhilarating day!
i love days which i look forward to, bcos it just brings out the best in me. and its so much easier to throw my worries out of the window.
yx's church held their 30th anniversary dinner at new park hotel and it was so MUCH FUN!
the skits were hilarious, and the dancing was good!
very funny overall, and very very enjoyable. food was excellent btw. scallop..sharks fin..abalone.....and I SWEAR THE DESSERT MADE ME FAINT. RED BEAN PASTE WITH CHESTNUTS. DAMN NICE AND SMOOTH LA! -slurp-
so i met alot of really nice ppl dere, ppl frm her church and ppl frm her jc. eric was like super funny la, and we girls were like super happy and making alot of noise too.
we took photos, and went to geylang for their ultra-famous dou jiang you tiao, and cold soya bean drink. so sinful...so satisfying. :)
we played truth or dare in the hotel room and the dares that they came up with were quite atrocious. but everyone was so sporting!
slept after a long day and woke up early for church today. after service yx and i went to dhoby ghaut to meet her clazmate, yizhen, to watch Pirates together! it was gush-haven for us, seriously. AND I TOOK A PHOTO WITH THE VERY HOT BALLACK POSTER IN THE MRT STATION! -fans-

ok, i feel so tired, and im gonna SLEEP NOW! CYA!

i need help.
can someone help me?

i wish someone could, but i guess in this situation, i have to survive on my own.
i dont know how to explain to ppl, i dont know where to start...

they hate each other so much..i dont understand why.
how can 2 ppl who shared so much previously have so much hatred within them?

i've cried til im drained. im in emotional turmoil.
i prayed last night, and i hope my prayers will be answered.

everyone has problems, but why must this be such a big one...


im scared. im really scared. i dont know what will happen..
and now i can only hope for the best.




i love both of you, but must you do this to each other and to the ppl around you?

God, please, just help me. just help me...please.

Italy won.
both France and Italy were great teams with great players.

i was on a goal-saving video rampage yesterday when i searched YouTube for Peter Schmeichel saves. I SWEAR HE IS DAMN GOOD. he's better than Kahn Lehmann and Buffon altogether.
his agility, reflexes and instincts were astounding, to say the least.
and they weren't kidding when they mentioned that beating Schmeichel when players are 1 on 1 with The Great Dane was very difficult. The way he covered the angles, the way he intimidated his attacker, and the way he flings himself up in a star shape to cover more angles were superb. he's very ingenious.
Hail the best keeper between the sticks of all time.

oh, and did i mention that Iker Casillas IS AMAZINGLY GOOD-LOOKING? :)
very boyish, and charming.

ok, anyway my legs are aching, because i didn't train for a VERY LONG TIME, and then i played til very late on Saturday. Onn Shaun smsed me Friday night for squash and so he came over to play. He made me run like a freaking mad cow la!
We played til 7 and just talked and rested our weary legs. Sigh, guys will always be super fast in the court. Oh, and he gave me tons of chances to let me play to my fullest potential.
It wouldn't be very fun if he just killed off every shot right. We headed for dinner at Ramen Ten in AMK central after that, and just talked til like 10 plus. He's still very hilarious with his words and actions. And yes, he has turned more cheena ever since army. we were lamenting about it.

so yes, i headed to Adelyn's place for soccer with hy and alv after that, and boy, was i glad i decided to catch it ultimately. Portugal was demolished by the same person twice. The strikes were almost identical, and extremely well-placed! -applauds-
such a beautiful game..

sadly, Ballack was resting his injury so he didn't set foot on the field. nonetheless, he still looked good in his polo t-shirt! broody and mysterious. ying xuan's mum and i were discussing everything-Ballack for almost an hour that day. hehe. oh, and Kahn too!
He played his last international match against Portugal and made a couple of good saves, but he looked extremely sad after the whole thing. So now, it's just BM for him.

packed my table yesterday, and i'm in the process of packing my cupboard today.
BUT, i got distracted and the blogging bug hit me. :)

breathe for me, honey. -clay aiken

i am feeling extremely upset about some family issues.
you know, just when i thought everything's gonna be blown over real soon, it hit me again.
im just so sandwiched between both of them, and i'm even accused of taking sides.
i cant help but feel upset, and i don't like what each of them are telling me about one another.
i have to listen, but i cannot take sides. why cant they just understand that?
i need some empathy. and a cup of hot chrysanthemum-ginseng to calm my nerves.
what i'm feelin right now? i just want to run away from everything, every damn thing...
just..run away. its not a solution, but at least i wont be there to experience everything first hand, and hopefully it blows over soon.
i should stop running away from this.

i had a GREAT time with yingxuan last night during supper, caught up on so much, and binged on prata! very very delectable.
left me to be a very happy and satisfied girl. :)

and i met yuwen today for lunch and to pass her some stuff. like super long overdue.
fun talking to her really.

i want to spend some me-time. long overdue, stuff i've been wanting to do since long ago.
go window shopping, catch a movie, get some books, swimming, everything by myself. it's been so long since i spent some me-time. a few days break would suffice.
and after that, it's back to packing my table. urgh.

...and if i promise not to feel this pain, will i see you again..will i see you again...

i have to confess, i've become a football addict.
i never thought the day would come when names such as Scolari Klinnsman Ribery Ricardo Lehmann would be rolling off my tongue in such easy fashion.
i was NEVER a soccer fan, NEVER seriously. i supported Man U previously because super plus ultra hot Beckham was there, but when he switched clubs to Real, I just couldn't be bothered anymore. Oh, and the most "obsessive" thing i did due to soccer was to buy those little collector cards just for kicks.
I just liked the cards because I like LOOKING at the players. heh.
but this particular World Cup got me hooked. 2002's was just a pastime, something i watched because everyone else seemed to be watching. I caught the final only because I was rooting for Germany. And i heard about Oliver Kahn's excellent goal-keeping skills. But sadly, that night when it mattered most, he blundered, and Ronaldo took advantage of that.

This yr, it's a WHOLE different story.
The first match which i caught in its entirety was England vs Paraguay. Disappointing, to say the least. Germany vs Argentina was extremely nail-biting, when it led to a penalty shoot-out after extra time. I swear i almost died of anxiety. When Lehmann managed to keep out the 2nd spot-kick, I jumped up and applauded and cheered. Exhilarating!
England vs Portugal was a sad affair, although admittedly, the better team won. The Wayne Rooney fiasco was just out of line. It was very sad to see how players had to stoop to such levels just to get another player carded. I read the reports, so please, don't shoot the messenger.
Oh, and after that was Germany vs Italy. MY GOODNESS. i almost freakin died when Grosso scored in the FREAKIN 119th minute. I swear it was hell. And Del Piero just had to hit the Germans a second time when they lost their composure. The 2nd goal was just icing on the cake for Del Piero. And of course, his name on the score sheet. but the italians were good!

I am extremely tired because I managed to wake up in time to catch 1/2 of France vs Portugal. But apparently, not in time for the tackle on Henry, and subsequently, the penalty netted in neatly by the retiring-soon-from-international-football Zizou. (Zidane's 34, can you believe it?!)
France's defence held firm and it later proved that the penalty was the winner against Portugal. Portugal was very good, attacking very rapidly after gaining possession.
super exciting larh!
I don't know what to expect during the finals!

Ok, on to lesser things. (seems like World Cup is taking over the World, seriously, it's like a freaking water-cooler topic now.)

life = mundane. that sums it all up. Oh! on a higher note, I had a very very good laugh yesterday when i headed to jj for squash with my dotters. so exciting la! all the eye-candy talk, world cup talk, and pang sai clan talk. fascinating!
and this of course is dedicated to eunice, chia xuan, jessie, shi yun, and lia. They bought an Esprit blouse for my birthday! thank you so so so much! very touched. -shy- HEHE. ok but the birthday song made me super shy la! omg i seem to be talking like jessie.
i saw the blouse before, and i toyed with the idea of buying it, but i decided against it because i had 2 purchases from Esprit already. I was so shocked when i saw it in the plastic bag can!
hehe, once again, THANK YOU! -hugs-
and of cors, i embarrassed myself yesterday, AGAIN. the lobster thing just finished me off larh in all honesty. HAHA. no details here.

i'm a very happy girl, and Klinnsman quite hot ahh! and Ballack's tearful puppy-dog-eye look...sent jessie and i into hysterics yesterday. was very sad to see his expression like that. judging that he missed the final in 2002, and now this. read a report that he almost broke down.

'A heartbroken Ballack almost broke out in tears when he was asked whether Tuesday's loss felt any worse than his absence from the 2002 World Cup Final. '
'It just is not meant to be for me,' he stated. 'It is bitter.'

i'm heading to ying xuan's house later! we're gonna have supper together. can't wait!
i haven't seen her for so long because of her mid yrs and my common tests.
and i miss coco. =(

-I am a college student.
-I am a cuddler.
-I am a good dancer. (everybody now, say HAHA.)
-I am a huge fan of lists.
-I am a morning person.
-I am a perfectionist.
-I am a Republican.
-I am allergic to something deadly.
-I am an only child.
-I am Catholic.
-I am content as of this moment.
-I am currently in my pajamas.
-I am currently pregnant.
-I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
-I am good at styling other people’s hair.
-I am left handed.
-I am married.
-I am obsessed with my LJ.
-I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
-I am procrastinating by filling out this list.
-I am resentful that I have to grow up.
-I am very shy around the opposite sex.
-I am, or was, pigeon-toed.
-I bite my nails.
-I can be paranoid at times. (let's just say i bring the word pananoia to another level altogether)
-I carry a weapon with me everywhere I go. (yes, my precious bundle of keys.)
-I collect picture frames.
-I consider myself to be a “nerd.”
-I currently regret something that I have done.
-I curse frequently.
-I do not believe people are inherently good or evil, rather they are inherently lazy.
-I don’t hate anyone.
-I enjoy country music.
-I enjoy jazz music.
-I enjoy smoothies.
-I enjoy talking on the phone.
-I have a car.
-I have a cell phone.
-I have a hard time paying attention at school.
-I have a hidden talent.
-I have a hobby.
-I have a lot to learn.
-I have a pet.
-I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
-I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” girl/guy.
-I have all my grandparents, none of them have died.
-I have at least one brother and/or sister.
-I have avoided work to play with my livejournal.
-I have been in a real relationship.
-I have been in a threesome.
-I have been rejected by someone.
-I have been the “psycho ex” in a past relationship.
-I have been to an anime convention.
-I have been to another country.
-I have been to Europe.
-I have been to Las Vegas.
-I have been told that I am very smart.
-I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
-I have broken a bone.
-I have Caller I.D. on my phone.
-I have changed a diaper.
-I have changed a lot over the past year.
-I have cheated on a significant other.
-I have counted down the days until the summer.
-I have dated a close friend’s ex.
-I have dated someone 10 years (or more) older or younger than me.
-I have done something illegal. (yea, like smuggling chewing gum in.)
-I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
-I have gone scuba diving.
-I have had major surgery.
-I have had my hair cut within the last week.
-I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.
-I have had the cops called on me.
-I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.
-I have kissed someone of the same sex. (before u guys get any weird ideas, it was an innocent peck on the cheek. well, it was many many pecks. x)
-I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past.
-I have mood swings.
-I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
-I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
-I have rejected someone before.
-I have seen “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy.
-I have seen the television show “The O.C.”
-I have swum in the ocean.
-I have tried a drug that is illegal.
-I have tried sushi.
-I have watched “Sex and the City”.
-I have watched the television show “Spongebob Squarepants”.
-I know how to shoot a gun.
-I like being the center of attention.
-I like eating Ramen noodles.
-I like my handwriting.
-I like Shakespeare.
-I like the taste of blood.
-I like to cook.
-I like to sing.
-I like to vacuum.
-I love learning foreign languages.
-I love Michael Jackson.
-I love my friends.
-I love olives.
-I love rain.
-I love sleeping.
-I love to play computer games.
-I love to shop.
-I miss someone right now.
-I own 100 CDs or more.
-I own a home.
-I own and use a library card.
-I play a musical instrument.
-I practice a religion that is not considered “mainstream”.
-I read books for pleasure.
-I shave my legs.
-I sleep a lot during the day.
-I strongly dislike math. (ha, "strongly" doesn't even begin to describe it!)
-I think Britney Spears is pretty.
-I think long strings of html code look cool.
-I think prostitution should be legalized.
-I think that Pizza Hut makes the best pizza.
-I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
-I was born in a country other than the USA.
-I watch more TV this year than last year.
-I watch MTV on a daily basis.
-I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
-I wear glasses or contact lenses.
-I will try anything once.
-I work at a job that I enjoy.
-I would classify myself as “ghetto”.
-I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
-I like Orange Kool Aid.
-I can name all 7 of the dwarfs from ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’.
-I like being at school.
-I always love wearing sweaters.
-I love water polo.
-I am currently wearing socks.
-I am being nostalgic right now.
-I am tired.
-I love to paint.
-I am single and happy.

i was bored. sorry, for this LONG AND BORING LIST.

it's somewhat a risk that i'm letting it be. a risk that i might regret. regret that i chose this path.

i remember a previous post where i felt very ballsy, so ballsy in fact that i thought i would be able to tell him how i felt. but now, i think about it again, and i wonder.. will i be ballsy enough when the time actually comes? i highly doubt it, but we never do know sometimes. and maybe sometimes, we actually overcome it. all in due time. patience is a virtue. bear with it.

i hate it when people make me feel so unbearably small. so small in fact all i wanna do is shut my ears and close out every damn thing around me. i don't like this feelin, that i'm made used of, and that i'm not good enough, and that i get jacked by my friends' comments over and over again. it's extremely saddening, and discouraging. i need to find a hole to hide in.

oh on a perfectly random sidenote, The Ellen Degeneres show is gonna be shown on CHANNEL 5! finally! i love her deadpan remarks, dry humour, and quick wit. makes for extremely GOOD TV!

yes, and to end off a perfectly mundane and shitass boring monday, there's Grey's Anatomy!
Mcdreamy's always a saviour. -swoons-
world cup hunks are not gonna distract me from dreaming about mcdreamy!

i went out with my sister and mum today, and i felt very numb, which explains why i don't seem to care anymore. it makes no difference.
i mean, there actually is a huge difference in the distance, but.. i just don't seem to feel anything. no elation, no sense of euphoria, not even a tinge of excitement. oh no, i sound terribly cold blooded. i think it's just the fact that i'm numb. immune.
but you know what? i'll still be here, even though i don't seem to be sometimes, at the back of my mind, i'm still here.

i don't understand the gibberish i just said, don't mind me. x)